When your child is coping with mental health challenges, it’s natural to ask yourself: “Did I do something wrong?” Guilt, shame, and self-blame often come to the surface, leaving parents and caregivers feeling isolated. But the truth is, you are not alone; in fact, more families are in a similar situation than you might realize. Over 20% of children in Canada will be affected by mental health issues at some point in their childhood. Let’s explore how to manage the difficult emotions you may be experiencing as a parent or caregiver, and strategies to care for both your child’s mental health and your own.

Moving Past Guilt and Stigma

It is common for parents and caregivers of children facing mental health challenges to experience intense guilt. They may worry that they have “failed” their child in some way, or fear judgement from others. These feelings are often the result of the stigma that still surrounds mental health – the negative perceptions about people living with mental illness.

Mental health stigma is pervasive in our society, and it can prevent people from seeking help when they need it. But just like physical illnesses, mental health conditions are medical issues. There is treatment and support available, and your child can recover. Mental health problems can arise from a variety of complex factors besides parenting. Instead of placing blame on yourself, focus on effectively addressing your child’s needs with compassion – for them and yourself. This can be one of the most supportive steps you can take.

Reframing the Question

Instead of asking, “Am I a bad parent?” consider asking:

“What support does my child need right now?”

“How can I take care of myself so I can be present for my child?”

“What resources are available to help us navigate this together?”

Remember, seeking support for your child is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it shows your care and commitment to your child’s well-being. Even the most attentive and loving parents have children who face mental health challenges. By educating yourself and building a support network, you are taking proactive steps to support your child’s mental health. If you are concerned about your child’s well-being and want to learn more about how and where to find support, we invite you to browse our resources on Getting Your Child Professional Help.

Caring for Your Child’s Mental Health

Actively looking out for signs of mental illness and keeping track of worrying behaviours is a proactive way to support your child and will help you communicate your concerns to a professional. Regular exercise, adequate sleep, proper nutrition, and healthy technology habits are all practices that promote mental health for your child – and yourself. It’s also beneficial to practice active listening with your child and have open, honest conversations about mental health. Make it clear to your child that you’re on their team and there to help them through this.

For additional resources and information on supporting your child, visit our Resources for Parents, Guardians, and Caregivers. In our Student Mental Health Toolkit, you’ll also find age-appropriate resources for children and teens on Coping with Mental Health.

You Deserve Support, Too

Caring for a child facing mental health challenges can be emotionally demanding. It’s essential for both you and your child to acknowledge your own needs and seek support if you need it. Stigma-Free Mental Health Society offers activities, videos, and resources to guide you through next steps if you are concerned about your child’s mental health, and help you maintain your own well-being while preventing burnout. Remember, self-care is not selfish. You must take care of yourself to effectively care for others.

Your child’s journey may have ups and downs. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed or even guilty at times. But it’s important to recognize that these feelings do not define your worth as a parent. We encourage you to make use of our accessible, no-cost Student Mental Health Toolkit and learn about the Help & Community Resources in your area. You are not alone, and there is support available for you and your family.

References

Canadian Paediatric Society. (2018, July). Your child’s mental health. 

Canadian Paediatric Society. (2024, June 5). Child and Youth Mental Health.

Mental Health Commission of Canada. (2013, February 6). Stigma: The Facts.

Public Health Agency of Canada. (2017, September 15). About mental illness. 

The Ministry of Health. (2015, July 15). Children and youth mental health: signs and symptoms.

Author: Monique Zizzo