Well, it appears I am on the hypo-manic roller coaster…what am I talking about?  Hmmmm… Well, it appears I am on the hypo-manic roller coaster…what am I talking about?  Hmmmm… sometimes things seem too smooth, like to thoroughly clean and tidy up your entire house in 30 minutes seems normal, to bust out 30 pages of writing towards a book, take 3 exercise classes in one night and to feel on top of the world for about 4 days, then CRASH you are at the bottom of the roller coaster ride.  To prepare something to eat feels like building a house and even when you do all things are bland and the only thing you can think about is when you can return back to bed.    Today will be my first venture outside the house in three days and the only reason is because I have a doctor's appointment.  I watch my boyfriend scurry between two jobs and then play cricket at the end of the day returning home at 8pm.  I am exhausted just watching him and I am embarrassed that I did not shower until 3:45pm that day.  I am going to the doctor's today and I am hoping for the right cocktail, thank goodness the acidy feelings have gone away for now and I am wishing for the energy to enjoy my days.  Darn roller coaster, it is time to get off this ride! I am now reporting back after my appointment and my nurse and I had an eye opening conversation.  Did you know that you still have the ability to move even when you are depressed?  It was news to me.  No matter how difficult or hard it may be I can still choose to function, even if that means a 10 minute walk outside or getting out of bed to make a blog entry.  I learned about self talk and I realized that the manner in which I address myself in my own world is not a way I would talk to a friend, but is actually quite horrifying at times.  Have you ever listened to your responsive yourself?  When I am low, I can force myself into the shower, even if that is as much as I can accomplish in one day.  Having a mental illness or not, we all have days where we feel unproductive, meaningless and down on the roller coaster ride, but hey, that coaster always comes back up doesn't it?  It has for me tonight and besides if I got off the coaster altogether then would that mean normality?  Hmmm…who would want that?  lol  🙂