Life has been a series of ups and downs as it often is for everyone, but most especially for myself lately.  I have mostly been concerned with the side-effects that my medication has been having on me, particularly lithium.  My thyroid is enlarged, perhaps pointing to a future dysfunction, my skin is broken out severely, the potassium levels in my kidneys have risen and I am completely distraught about the weight gain.  I can handle and accept vanity over sanity but I have to admit that once my thyroid changed and my potassium levels rose, I was a little more than concerned. 

The most disturbing factor has been losing my hair.  I ignored the fact that I had been losing about 50 strands a day, hoping that it would stop but it hasn't!  For the first time in a very long time I cried the other day.  On the kind shoulder of my understanding boyfriend actually, and I felt that I was mourning everything that I was losing.  He told me it was okay to cry and I suppose I was trying my best to stand tall with a stiff lip of courage.  I made a decision to go off lithium completely for the first time in 7 years with my doctor's guidance and support.  He listened to what I had to say and we agreed that I will stay on my other medications but it was advisable to go off the lithium.  I have a game plan for this drastic change which consists of taking my medications at the exact same time during the day and night, regular sleep, exercise and a mood chart.  I really should have been doing all of these things all along, but in reality I admit that I have not and I find myself staying up too late, forgetting meds at times and lacking a sense of routine in my daily living.  I plan to change this and REALLY take a hold of my health, begin a new way of being and push for a lifestyle that works for me.  I pray that going off lithium will work for me and I won't be pushed into another mood stabilizer.  I know when something is working for me and when it may be failing so I promise to pay close attention.  

I tend to star gaze with my boyfriend these days.  This is when everything seems to ease, all the worry and pain certainly fade away when I take time to appreciate what I have and appreciate the beautiful surroundings and people that encompass my every day life.  Thank you Sami for giving me a shoulder and I thank all of you for reading and caring.  I know many of you have expressed your concern for the changes that are taking place but I know myself and I will know if this is the path both to healing and health. 🙂  Bipolar Babe