Last night I was told that my mother had been admitted to the psychiatric ward. My initial feeling was worry and concern, but promptly I was reassured by my step-father’s presence that she is in good hands. A few hours had past and I started to feel very intense emotions such as fear, hurt, isolation and confusion. I attempted to sleep but I was experiencing intense anxiety. I was tossing and turning, and eventually crying until through the very late hours of the night. I rose the next morning with very little sleep feeling haggard and weak. I stayed home from work today and my Manager suggested calling my psychiatric nurse for support. Daphne was definitely the right person to call. As I sobbed and expressed my concern for my mother she offered some very helpful advice that I wanted to share with you. I realized that my feelings of fear and despair were ignited by my own experience about my former hospitalization. I feared hopelessness and despair were washing over my mother as they did me and having her hospitalized brought me back to a painful place in my past.
The way we remember our lives is like a ‘movie’ playing frame by frame in our head, moment by moment, and it seems my movie got stuck on one frame which was the part about being in a psych ward. Daphne advised me to ‘PLAY’ the movie forward in my mind as being focused on one frame caused me great distress and despair. Thank you Daphne for this little tidbit of advice that has eased my anxiety and from speaking with my mother, who is sounds like herself again, is taking the experience in stride. I actually know it is very different than my own. Most importantly, I have pressed play on the DVD player and have watched the rest of the movie on what happened after the hospitalization up until this very moment. In doing this, I realize how far I have come and how good it feels to know it was only a frame in my movie that I was temporarily stuck on. I have ‘played’ it forward and I have Daphne to thank for this, so thanks so much! I love you mom and stay strong!
Much hugs,
BIPOLARBABE
